when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
