he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
