dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize