bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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