I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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