This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Someone signed my nipple.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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