I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
