I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
