I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize