you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
