Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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