i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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