I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
