Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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