Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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