My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
