he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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