i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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