the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
