i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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