you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize