i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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