so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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