I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
