you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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