I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
