Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
