man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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