I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
