Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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