she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
