All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
