do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
