pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
