Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This is classic penis vs brain.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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