You can't special order awesome
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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