You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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