so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
