Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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