what day is it and did you see me today?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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