Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
