he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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