A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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