I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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