She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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