you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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