Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
