Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
