I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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