Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
