i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
