Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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