I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
