Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
