I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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