i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
