Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
