i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
