I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
