omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
