Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
