12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
