Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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