That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
