Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
