Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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