I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
