my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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