i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
