All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
