wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
