EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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