3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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