Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Come share oat with me in your robe
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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