Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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