thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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