If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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