bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
