and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
