If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize