It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
