yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
