i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
