Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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