I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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