Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
