hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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