Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
