she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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