official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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