you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
